About Rape...

Ok, so I've been talking about rape and my distance and (some would go so far as to say) apathy toward it has got some people's panties in a twist.
Don't get me wrong, the last thing I wanna do is step on the toes of someone's coping process but am I not allowed to deal with in my own way? I'm a look at the bright side type of person and I don't consider it worth it to be so enveloped in the pain that you can't see the pleasure. The pleasure in saving, yeah, I went through it and I'm still standing (not to mention awesome) and though it's apart of me, "rape victim" doesn't define me. I'm looking at the bright side so much that I forget what it was like to be sitting in the fetal position in the darkest corner of a locked room and praying to God no one picked the lock and let enough light to let to the world see me. It wasn't long ago that I was there. But serve what you fear and because I am not apt to serving anyone or thing, I don't fear light anymore. I don't fear my own power, nor do I deny having it.

Every "victim" (hate that word) I've ever talked to has admitted that they never publicly shared (or thought they had the strength to share) their story. I put that stuff on blast. Shared it in front of as many people as my coaches would let me and tagged as many people in the Facebook note as would fit. I put myself on B-LAST(!) to let myself and everybody else know that I wasn't hiding anymore. I've that dark room and forget going back! I was really hard on myself to fin the strength to leave that room and I guess that's why I'm hard on everybody else.

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I' keeping myself arm's length away because I'm avoiding something; some gem of an emotion that's left over years of pressure that I have not fully discovered. Wouldn't be the first time. Therapy should help me uncover that answer. But if I'm right, I'm picking every lock and stomping down every door until no one is afraid of the light, or until I'm dead...probably the latter.

You know why darkness is so appealing when you are sad?

Well, I'll tell you my little Nozums:

Unlike LIGHT,

Darkness does not impress itself upon you.

It does not force you to see something you are not ready for.

It does not impose the truth,

or time, 

or unwelcomed advice,

or...reality.

--April Rose Rojas