Words I Never Said by Lupe Fiasco

[Skylar Grey - Chorus]

It’s so loud Inside my head

With words that I should have said!

As I drown in my regrets

I can’t take back the words I never said

I can’t take back the words I never said

[Lupe Fiasco]

I really think the war on terror is a bunch of bullshit

Just a poor excuse for you to use up all your bullets

How much money does it take to really make a full clip

9/11 building 7 did they really pull it

Uhh, And a bunch of other cover ups

Your childs future was the first to go with budget cuts

If you think that hurts then, wait here comes the uppercut

The school was garbage in the first place, thats on the up and up

Keep you at the bottom but tease you with the uppercrust

You get it then they move you so you never keeping up enough

If you turn on TV all you see’s a bunch of “what the f-cks”

Dude is dating so and so blabbering bout such and such

And that aint Jersey Shore, homie thats the news

And these the same people that supposed to be telling us the truth

Limbaugh is a racist, Glenn Beck is a racist

Gaza strip was getting bombed, Obama didn’t say shit

Thats why I aint vote for him, next one either

I’ma part of the problem, my problem is I’m peaceful

And I believe in the people.

[Skylar Grey - Chorus]

It’s so loud inside my head

With words that I should have said!

As I drown in my regrets

I can’t take back the words I never said

I can’t take back the words I never said

[Lupe Fiasco - Verse 2]

Now you can say it aint our fault if we never heard it

But if we know better than we probably deserve it

Jihad is not a holy war, wheres that in the worship?

Murdering is not Islam!

And you are not observant

And you are not a muslim

Israel don’t take my side cause look how far you’ve pushed them

Walk with me into the ghetto, this where all the Kush went

Complain about the liquor store but what you drinking liquor for?

Complain about the gloom but when’d you pick a broom up?

Just listening to Pac aint gone make it stop

A rebel in your thoughts, aint gon make it halt

If you don’t become an actor you’ll never be a factor

Pills with million side effects

Take em when the pains felt

Wash them down with Diet soda!

Killin off your brain cells

Crooked banks around the World

Would gladly give a loan today

So if you ever miss payment

They can take your home away!

[Skylar Grey - Chorus]

It’s so loud inside my head

With words that I should have said!

As I drown in my regrets

I can’t take back the words I never said, never said

I can’t take back the words I never said

[Lupe Fiasco - Verse 3]

I think that all the silence is worse than all the violence

Fear is such a weak emotion thats why I despise it

We scared of almost everything, afraid to even tell the truth

So scared of what you think of me, I’m scared of even telling you

Sometimes I’m like the only person I feel safe to tell it to

I’m locked inside a cell in me, I know that there’s a jail in you

Consider this your bailing out, so take a breath, inhale a few

My screams is finally getting free, my thoughts is finally yelling through

[Skylar Grey - Chorus]

It’s so loud Inside my head

With words that I should have said!

As I drown in my regrets

I can’t take back the words I never said

About Rape...

Ok, so I've been talking about rape and my distance and (some would go so far as to say) apathy toward it has got some people's panties in a twist.
Don't get me wrong, the last thing I wanna do is step on the toes of someone's coping process but am I not allowed to deal with in my own way? I'm a look at the bright side type of person and I don't consider it worth it to be so enveloped in the pain that you can't see the pleasure. The pleasure in saving, yeah, I went through it and I'm still standing (not to mention awesome) and though it's apart of me, "rape victim" doesn't define me. I'm looking at the bright side so much that I forget what it was like to be sitting in the fetal position in the darkest corner of a locked room and praying to God no one picked the lock and let enough light to let to the world see me. It wasn't long ago that I was there. But serve what you fear and because I am not apt to serving anyone or thing, I don't fear light anymore. I don't fear my own power, nor do I deny having it.

Every "victim" (hate that word) I've ever talked to has admitted that they never publicly shared (or thought they had the strength to share) their story. I put that stuff on blast. Shared it in front of as many people as my coaches would let me and tagged as many people in the Facebook note as would fit. I put myself on B-LAST(!) to let myself and everybody else know that I wasn't hiding anymore. I've that dark room and forget going back! I was really hard on myself to fin the strength to leave that room and I guess that's why I'm hard on everybody else.

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I' keeping myself arm's length away because I'm avoiding something; some gem of an emotion that's left over years of pressure that I have not fully discovered. Wouldn't be the first time. Therapy should help me uncover that answer. But if I'm right, I'm picking every lock and stomping down every door until no one is afraid of the light, or until I'm dead...probably the latter.

You know why darkness is so appealing when you are sad?

Well, I'll tell you my little Nozums:

Unlike LIGHT,

Darkness does not impress itself upon you.

It does not force you to see something you are not ready for.

It does not impose the truth,

or time, 

or unwelcomed advice,

or...reality.

--April Rose Rojas